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A Rant for Your Morning Enjoyment

I drive the kids to school every morning and pick them up in the afternoons. The school is five minutes away, and it’s completely worth it to me for them to never have to experience the Maximum Security Prison that is a public school bus.So I take them to school in the morning, then I come home, let the dog and cats out, make coffee, get to work.

This morning, I come home to see one of the neighbor’s toddlers standing at their open front door. The kid is in the doorway, obviously not going anywhere, so I just shake my head and continue into the house. Then my cell phone rings during the “getting to work” portion of my morning. It’s the mother of the toddler next door. She’s one of those phone yellers who apparently can’t hear for shit, so the conversation is fragmented, but the gist is this:

– You saw my kid at the door
– That door has a special lock, my husband forgot to lock it while I was taking my son to school
– My husband is at home, just upstairs
– My neighbor said you told my son to go back in the house
– I didn’t want you to think he was home alone

Let us pause here for a deep cleansing breath.

These are the same neighbors with the evil little bastard child who likes to chuck rocks at our dog. And our son. Husband witnessed this one day and told the little fucker to knock it off. Little fucker apparently whinges to his parents about it, and his father comes over and bangs on our door to talk about it. Three days later. After he’d gotten drunk first. With a big fucking guy at his back.

I have never been that close to actually shooting someone before.

So, with that experience filed under the Will Not Ever Forget folder in our minds, the very last fucking thing I ever need from these sad and pathetic excuses for neighbors, is a phone call insisting that I told their hellspawn to get back into his house, thereby implying that they suck the proverbial ass as parents. And they so do, hence their fear of a DCF call, apparently. Gods fucking forbid someone should actually try and save that little shitbird’s life should he actually walk out of the house, just don’t EVER tell it what to do.

So, needless to say, if anyone comes banging on my door today, I am of a mood to put a couple of rounds through the peephole before answering.

Better take note, UPS man.